The Golden Age
A woman whose name escapes me
was my ultimate role model growing up.
What was her name? You know. You know
who I’m talking about. Whatsherface, with the hair.
Always wore a cravat. Spat olive pits
into a miniscule silver snuff box. You know.
Her catchphrase was “If it ain’t broke
I’m not interested.” You know who I mean.
Bombshell. Sang that famous song.
‘Forkful of Nothing’ with the Withering Brothers.
Paris. Lots of stuff to do with Paris. Starred
in that sexy movie with Sandra Bee Deloyne,
really controversial at the time, they played
cross-dressing gravediggers who both end up
pregnant by rival dictators. You know the one.
Coined the phrase ‘Nope.’
She was married to that gorgeous guy
who chopped his head off accidentally
whilst fixing a ceiling fan. Her father
burnt to death after throwing a Molotov cocktail
at a trampoline. Come on. She built the world’s most
impossible hedge maze, all her gardeners
disappeared. Had a tiny dog called Handbag,
kept her house keys in his stomach. In 1916
she met Lenin in a coffee shop in Zurich
and came up with the entire plan for Red October.